Monday, September 30, 2002

Israel

Damn Jews.

First they tell the world they'll retaliate if Iraq attacks them in response to a US-UK invasion. Why can't they be peaceful little lambs like in 1991? Or in the early 40s?

Then they divert international attention away from me and onto Arafat. Why bother, unless you're going to kill the man?

I'm so pig-biting mad I'm considering putting Israel in my sights next. After all, they have WMD, and they disregard UN resolutions. We'll see if Joe Lieberman still supports my foreign policy when the "chosen people" are sent to Gitmo. Heh.

Thursday, September 26, 2002

Saddam

Apparently the paranoid megalomaniac has gone to the trouble of using "doubles".

What a waste of time! I mean, everyone knows you camel-fuckers all look alike anyway.

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

I Love This Time Of Year!

The weather is getting cooler. The leaves will be changing color soon, and falling to the ground in waves. Yes, waves, just like waves of B-52s dropping bombs on madmen and their mercs.

Oh, and the quality of sport this time o' the year! The football teams are just getting into the swing of things, while the baseball players are tackling the pressure of pennant races. And it's third and long for a certain gentlemen in Iraq. Though not all of the bombers will be from the Bronx, I'm certainly hoping he'll be brushed back.

Yes, this time of year is a wonderous time. A brief respite before the rush of the holiday season. But if you hear anyone climbing down your chimney this season, you better grab your gun and shoot to kill.

Ah, and as the night air becomes chilly, and longtime lovers gaze into the clear sky to gawk in awe at the beauty of the stars that dazzle with such faraway brilliance in the heavens, I am calmed, and optimistic of things to come. I'll love to watch you die, Saddam. Pretty soon, you're fucked.

Monday, September 23, 2002

Arafat

He's down to one building. The IDF found massive stockpiles of baby-wipes in the destroyed buildings.

Who woulda thought? Yasser was stockpiling weapons of ass-disruption!

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Please remember to tip your waitress.
19

That's the number of pacifist Congressmen who have banded together to oppose any action against Iraq. 18 are Democrats. None are Republicans.

Can you say, "total GOP control of the federal government in 2003"?

Good. Because I'd probably fuck it up if I tried. End up saying something like "totalitarian Gee-Oh-Pee control of the federast governing in 1903". Damn you, alcohol-induced brain damage!
Germans

When they aren't busy stuffing ethnic and religious minorities into cattle-cars destined for the Camps, they're busy comparing me to crazy fuckers with really long nose hair.

But hey, that's cool. Like Wayne Newton said, "Dunk-A-Shane"...

Friday, September 20, 2002

The Media

They aren't all leftists. For instance, I have the Moonies in my pocket.

Thursday, September 19, 2002

Irony

I go into the Lion's Den (the UN) to give a speech, and my poll numbers go up!

Hmm. Maybe I should have Rove schedule my next major addresses in Tehran and Berkeley...

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

I Am The Technology President!

Well, it took a few months and several billion taxpayer dollars, but we finally managed to get the "comments" section up and running. Now I can focus all my attention on the economy. Heh.
The Best Part About Being President

Is getting what you want, then asking for more.

Monday, September 16, 2002

A Good Case For Attack On Iraq

Now, I gotta admit, I never thought of half of this stuff. But it kinda, sorta makes sense. It sure beats Rummy's "Let's kick some sand!" argument...

Thursday, September 12, 2002

The UN Speech

Man alive! That "international community" is one tough crowd! But at least I was able to get my major points across, so now they can be ridiculed by the rest of the world.

What a stresser though! I can't wait to take Nick Nolte's lead later today!

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

Women

I've got a real problem with women.

First of all, they tend to vote for Democrats. So, right off the bat they're in the same boat as illiterate immigrants, felons, hommasessuals, and negroes. Secondly, young women, especially those with the last name Bush, tend to be completely irresponsible and uncaring with regards to the hurt they inflict on their fathers. Political hurt. And that's the worst kind.

So far, I've been able to convince the folks at Girls Gone Wild to withhold the segments (13 of them!) featuring Jenna. But one day, they'll unleash media hell. And that'll be one shitty day for Ari, lemme tell ya.

Saturday, September 07, 2002

The UN

I'll be goin' to the United Nations pretty soon to lay out my case for regime change in Iraq. But my speech will be merely for sound-bite material. The real action will be behind-the-scenes wheeling-and-dealing with France, China, and Russia.

For the French, in return for their vote authorizing an attack, I will offer a case of vintage "Wild Vines" wine, and a three-pound brick of cheddar. The Russians will get a five-billion dolar signing bonus, and a former SSR to be named later. With regards to China, I'm willing to abandon Taiwan, Tibet, and the Falun Gong to their monsterous clutches. Oh, and maybe a farm-quality cocker-spaniel or two, just to ice the deal.

Friday, September 06, 2002

I Have One Thing To Say...

...about Jimmy Carter : Grow some pea-nuts!

Wednesday, September 04, 2002

The French

These crazed leftists want a global tax! Hey, man, go for it. I'll just campaign for the office of Supreme Ruler of Gaia on a platform of "global tax relief" and "compassionitivity". And I'll prolly win, too!

By the way, here's the last sentence in the item :

"The sources close to Chirac, who was due to speak in Johannesburg around midday local time (11 a.m. British time) on Monday, pointed to studies suggesting global development aid would have to be doubled to around $100 billion (64 billion pounds) to really fight poverty."

Hmm. So the suspiciously-round number "$100 billion" will "really" fight poverty. So I suppose $200 billion will "really, really" fight poverty?

But I guess at the present time, the annual $50 billion hand-out-to-savage-autocrats only "kinda sorta" fights poverty. Pffft.

Tuesday, September 03, 2002

Search Engine Fun!

I put in an AOL search for "daddy makes me shave my pussy", and this site pops up as number 40!

Also, a Google search (in Arabic, no less!) for "G.W.BUSH FUCKING PICTURES" will display this site as link number three, as does a Google search (in French!) for "kill george w. bush".

Finally, in a related search on Yahoo!, looking up "george bush kill" will make my humble Web diary come up at a mighty number two, with a bullet.

Has anyone else found any funny BushBlog-related search engine results? Please e-mail them to : blankman55555@yahoo.com

Monday, September 02, 2002

November

I always hated mid-term exams, 'cuz I had to cheat off the people around me to pass. Hopefully mid-term elections won't prove as difficult. It's a lot easier to steal a few answers than make thousands of votes disappear. Trust me, I know!

Sunday, September 01, 2002

Yes!

Iain Duncan Smith supports the War! That's terrific news!

Now I just have to figger out who the hell he is...