Wednesday, August 27, 2003

Tonight's Entertainment

Thanks to the freedom-smothering Patriot Act, I am now able to listen to any telephone conversation anywhere in the world. I could be listening to terrorist agents plan their next hideous attack. However, that kinda stuff gets old real quick. Instead, I'm eavesdropping on a conference call in California...

Arnold - I haf callt dis meeteenk to discuss de upcoming recawl election.

Bustamante - Uh, we know that Arnold. That's what you said in the e-mail...

Arnold - Shut up, you idiot! I'm giving some background!

Mary Carey - Background? Is that when you're on your back and laying on the ground?

McClintock - Silence, dirt-leg! Please let the "Kintergarden Cop" finish.

Arnold - Tank you. De voters of de Goldun State face un very difficult challenge in just a few short weeks. Dey have to choose dist a sinkle one of da scores of candidates on da ballot.

Mary Carey - Did someone say "Scores"?

Ueberroth - Would you just let the man finish, you fucking pig-whore? Jesus Christ...

Arnold - Anyvay, ve need to narrow down da field a bit. De avergae California voter is too stupid to figure out any ballot dis complex...

Bustamante - The ballot is really quite simple, Arnold. NO to the recall! YES to Bustamante!!

Ueberroth - That's has got to be the stupidest fucking political slogan I've ever heard. And I was around for "Log Cabins and Hard Cider"!

Mary Carey - Hey guys: Is it a bad thing when your labia dangle between your knees?

Larry Flynt - Garble murmur gurble slobber garble blither...

Mary Carey - No silly! It does not come with a little wheelchair ramp!

Arnold - Shut up! Ve need to fix dis problem. Ve need a solution. Like my fazzer always said, a final solution is always best...

Bustamante - Okay, how about this: NO to the recall! Yes to pintos y cheese!!

McClintock - Holy balls. You're the poster-boy for Prop 187, Bustamante.

Arnold - Aaargh!! I feel like breaking something. Where da hell did der Simon go?

Bustamante - Okay, okay: NO to delivery! YES to DiGiorno!!

Arnold - Dat's it. I'm now for concealed hantguns...

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