Thursday, September 25, 2003


We are currently accepting applications for two (2) young Muslim men who are fluent in Arabic to serve as Chaplains at Gitmo. Benefits include increased surveillance and eventual arrest and public humiliation. We are an Affirmative Action employer. Please send all resumes to the attention of Rummy.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003


First, I had to fend off John McCain and his McCainiacs. Then it was Al Gore and his Gorons. Then it was international terrorists. Then the Taliban. Then Saddam and his sons. Now it's Hungarian billionaires!

What next? Frogs and locusts? C'mon Jesus Christ; lay off a guy for a bit.

Monday, September 08, 2003

My Speech

Yeah, I'm good.

I'm about to spend our country into fiscal default, but that's okay. As long as I win in 2004!

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

Warm Thoughts

Hopefully, another raving non-Christian madman will destroy the lives of hundreds of Americans sometime soon. Hopefully, this individual, or these individuals, will be kind enough to give me an opening to invade Syria from Iraq.

This would certainly change the subject in the mainstream media from one of foreign policy disaster to one of proactive attacks against Terror. This would also afford me the opportunity to use the Second Anniversary of 9-11 as a re-election tool.

There is always hope, in this great land of ours. God Bless America. And God Damn Howard Dean!