Saturday, November 23, 2002

Michael Moore

This fat fucker is on my X-mas list too. I'll get him a crate of Slim Fast and a stationary bike. Hopefully Santa will chip in some intellectual honesty and human decency.

Thursday, November 21, 2002

Christmas List

The following is a small portion of this year's White House Holiday Shopping List :

  • Tom Duh-shill - CD single of Green Day's "I Wanna Be A Minority"

  • Jenna - One case of Dom, two cases of rubbers

  • Michael Jackson - One army surplus gas mask

  • Jim Thune - A Cabinet position to be named later

Can anyone think of anything I've left out? Please let me know...

Saturday, November 16, 2002

My Love Life

If Laura ever tires of my mindless mumbling and uncontrollable drooling, I'll be crushed. But it looks like I've already got myself a prospect.

Friday, November 15, 2002


My towel-headed arch-enemy appears to still be among the living. And he's threatening new attacks!

Oh well. At least he had the decency to pretend to be dead until after the elections...

Sunday, November 10, 2002


I guess the pasta-eating winos aren't big fans of my administration's foreign policy. Or at least a certain element over there has reacted negatively :

"The anti-globalists were joined by many other groups, including union activists, pacifists, Catholics, former communists, ecologists, and Fiat car workers. Many young people were present."

Catholics? Fiat car workers?? Am I missing something here? That sounds a little something like :

"Former Vice-President Al Gore enjoys strong support from unions, pacifists, former communists, eco-terrorists, pillow-biters, current communists, the homeless, the comatose, and Wal-mart cashiers. Many illegal aliens and dead people also show support."

Now, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against peaceful protests. I just don't like Italians. Or young people.

Saturday, November 09, 2002

The Presidential Seal Of Approval

Goes to this site.

Wednesday, November 06, 2002

It's Official!

I've finally got a mandate! Now I jus' have to ask Karl what the fuck that means...

Monday, November 04, 2002


The campaigning is over. The people will take it from here. (And we'll take it back from them if they choose wrong in Florida again...)