WMD

Okay, so there weren't any. So what? The economy is improving, and Saddam is in a cell. Not a terror cell, but a prison cell.

By the way, John F. Kerry's mouth look like an anus on the NEWSWEEK cover. I just had to say that.

NH

I think Senator Lieberman is about to experience his own personal Holocaust. Heh.

Kerry

The man is wearing a wig. He has to be!

Iowa

Four losers tied for not-last. Whoever wins will eventually lose. (So Rove says...)

O'Neill

What an asshole. If this is how former Cabinet members will treat me, I can only shudder in expectation of Colin Powell's tell-all in 2005...

Mexicans

It was a difficult decision for Rove to make, but he decided we should let illegal Mexicans take American jobs. Well, they're already taking them, but now we wanna make it legal.

Sure, when they came to our country, their first act upon entering was to break federal law, but that's cool. I mean, I used to do an eight-ball a night, and that sure as shit ain't legal!

So, for the sake of my re-election, instead of punishing federal criminals, we'll give them American jobs, let them send the money back to Mexico (or as I say it, May-He-Coh), and further strain our social support system.

And if that doesn't get me re-elected, I'll just send someone back to the Moon! Let's hope he makes it in one piece...