Don't Mess With Texas!

I made sweet love to the First Lady tonight. Well, I tried to, at least. Just couldn't keep that erection. She cried herself to sleep; I guess she thought I don't find her attractive anymore. But it's not that! In fact, I love the dimples in her ass. I just have incurred too much damage to my erectilian tissue to really perform like I used to. Like, with the drunken sorority tramps at Yale.

Damn you, Jack Daniels! Damn you to hell!